Author Topic: SILLY QUICKIES  (Read 41433 times)

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Todd

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SILLY QUICKIES
« on: May 03, 2009, 02:47:12 »
*fun* at over eighty........highly dangerous,the car could crash.

1st prize in a Liverpool Pub Quiz......an alibi for two in August.

My horse broke it`s leg so I shot it......didn`t do much good,it now has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.

How come the RSPCA can stop you adopting a stray dog because your house is too small ? BUT it is OK for you & your family ? ?

Why do cowboys in the movies speak with an American accent ? They were all immigrants in real life.

Why when your doorbell rings does your dog think it is for him ?

Tampon TV sponsorship..........someone knew what strings to pull.

And finally for today...Always remember `It is not the size of the ship that counts it is the motion of the ocean`

Regards Jim
« Last Edit: May 03, 2009, 06:17:59 by Todd »
Capt Jim

Footski

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2009, 04:31:04 »
Brilliant Jim......Summer has arrived I see.....Bit windy though!
Barry

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2009, 06:20:53 »
Yes Barry, but what would we give for that wind in July/August.
Never satisfied are we?

Jim
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Footski

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2009, 08:00:37 »
So true :) :) :) :)
Barry

tugs53

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2009, 08:05:35 »
  Jim!!
« Last Edit: May 04, 2009, 07:26:42 by tugs53 »
MIKE

manxman

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2009, 10:56:50 »
Great laugh there Jim, and most of it true.

Have you ever seen those TV adverts for toothpaste, bleach and disinfectants ?
You know the ones, that say "New, improved Super Whizzo kills 99.9% of germs"
How come they can kill that many germs, yet can't find one that kills that last 00.1% ?.
How do they know they kill 99.9% ?
How on earth do they know how many germs there are ?
Has some *ugger actually counted them, there must be millions ?

You wouldn't believe how many nights sleep I've lost worrying over these questions ...

No matter which way you throw me - I'll always stand.

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2009, 13:25:13 »
Hi again Gang,
                  Just a couple more to bring today to a close.

I bought new deodorant stick today and the instructions said `Take top off and push up bottom`.
I am still in casualty at the moment but my farts smell Bl**dy lovely.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald-head and a beer-gut and still think they are sexy.

Why is a toothbrush so called ?, should it not be called a teethbrush ? Whilst in that vein should not a haircut be a hairs-cut ?

Enough of all that I will close down now and wish you all Goodnight.
Capt Jim

Footski

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2009, 22:53:01 »
.....Yes Jim, I am sure you will be feeling better in the morning ;D ;D ;D
Barry

Model Tug Man

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2009, 08:55:16 »


Why is a toothbrush so called ?, should it not be called a teethbrush ?


Because it was invented in West Virginia.
VGJQ

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2009, 03:32:59 »
How come when the police find a body and cannot discover the identity they always know who it`s dentist was ?  ;)  :o  ???

Jim
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tugs53

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2009, 07:30:25 »
Hmmmmm........... ??? ???
MIKE

towboatjoe

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2009, 04:54:09 »


Why is a toothbrush so called ?, should it not be called a teethbrush ?


Because it was invented in West Virginia.

Also did you know that when you divorce in West Virginia you still brother and sister!

Model Tug Man

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2009, 03:17:46 »


Why is a toothbrush so called ?, should it not be called a teethbrush ?


Because it was invented in West Virginia.

Also did you know that when you divorce in West Virginia you still brother and sister!


I know that that is true because Uncle Daddy told me so.

TM
VGJQ

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2009, 03:28:37 »
this thread has been quiet for a while now so I think a 'kick-start' is in order. :)

2 gay cowboys one say "Yup" and the other replies "Yep".

Jewish kamikazi pilot crashed his plane in his brothers scrapyard.

Scouse Boss sent one of his laziest employees to the emergency ward for an Xray to see if he had any work left in him.

Israel declared war on Eygpt and Italy surrendered just in case.

Osama Bin Laden blamed for the 'foot and mouth'-----it was (H) Islam (B).

A lad came home from school and told his mum he had learnt a new long word in class that day 'masturbation'.
Mummy trying to show interest remarked "Now that is a bit of a mouthful" to which the lad replied................>.
..................>..............................>...........................>..............................>..................................>.
"No Mum that is a B**w-job." 

BOOM BOOM.
Jim

Capt Jim

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #14 on: August 28, 2009, 06:06:29 »
Mother Superior called all of the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back, "I'm so tired of Chardony"....

BOOM BOOM

Jim
« Last Edit: August 28, 2009, 06:08:17 by Todd »
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