Author Topic: SILLY QUICKIES  (Read 44110 times)

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sea.mariner

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #15 on: August 28, 2009, 06:39:46 »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Model Tug Man

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #16 on: August 31, 2009, 04:03:10 »

Why do cowboys in the movies speak with an American accent ? They were all immigrants in real life.


Regards Jim

"I say old chap, you've spoiled your rodeo costume."

Going back a ways but what the heck.
VGJQ

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2009, 05:02:33 »
'ALOPURINOL'

Quite a few years ago (25 to be exact) I started a course of 'Alopurinol' for the horrible condition GOUT. I would have to take them for the rest of my life....no great problem only one small tablet a day.

When I first began taking them I read with interest that they may have varied side effects, one of which was listed as 'Nocturnal Emissions'.

Well Gents"GREAT NEWS" They have finally started to work.    ;D   ;D   ;D   ;D

Jim
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sea.mariner

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #18 on: September 08, 2009, 09:43:58 »
Mrs Sea.Mariner says I don't need those tablets for the side effects to work on me  ;D ;D ;D
Photos / Information, I nearly have them all !

Annie

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #19 on: October 02, 2009, 09:35:45 »
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-female biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waitress;

'Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says; 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde woman with a Taser.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters; 'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

thelongbuild

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #20 on: October 02, 2009, 09:59:21 »
Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,
And every year Buddy would say,
'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'
Edna always replied,
'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,
And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said,
'Edna, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'
To this, Edna replied,
"Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'

Buddy replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth,


I almost said something when Edna fell out,

But you know,

"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'
Next Build M.S.C Volant after 1 other.

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #21 on: November 29, 2009, 13:56:08 »
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A SCOUSE GIRL

Three men are talking about their marriages..

The first man married a woman from MANCHESTER He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from LONDON. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from LIVERPOOL. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
 
BOOM   BOOM

 
Jim
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Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2009, 02:22:54 »
Just wasted 25 quid on a Christmad DVD titled - "Tiger Woods, My 18 favourite holes."
Turns out it's about golf......


BOOM   BOOM


Jim
« Last Edit: December 26, 2009, 09:05:20 by Todd »
Capt Jim

tugnut

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2009, 13:36:08 »
Thats good ;D ;D ;D i like it :)
john b

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #24 on: December 26, 2009, 09:06:57 »


During a funeral as the coffin was laid to rest in the grave, the vicar said, "In the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole he goes!"

Jim

BOOM   BOOM
Capt Jim

tugs53

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #25 on: December 26, 2009, 10:15:12 »
Boom Boom is right ;D ;D ;D ;D

...Cheers...
MIKE

tugs53

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #26 on: December 31, 2009, 14:57:05 »
Little Billy sent a letter to Santa:
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back:

"Send me your mother..."


'Moderation fully expected' :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D
MIKE

Footski

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #27 on: December 31, 2009, 23:59:19 »
Little Billy sent a letter to Santa:
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back:

"Send me your mother..."


'Moderation fully expected' :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D


I would certainly have moderated this one.........but I don't get it!! ;D ;D ;D

Mind you, it could be the first yellow card of the year......well done Mike.. :) :)
Barry

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #28 on: January 13, 2010, 05:58:17 »


Two horny dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate but adjoining hotel rooms.


The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!' ... ALL NIGHT LONG.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was Embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection.'

The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed.'
 
BOOM   BOOM


jIM
Capt Jim

Todd

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Re: SILLY QUICKIES
« Reply #29 on: January 30, 2010, 12:37:44 »


I got stuck behind one of those 'Smart' cars earlier today and no matter how I tried I couldn't get passed it on the narrow winding road. I was just going to give him a good blasting from my horn when I noticed his bumper sticker and I just didn't have the heart for it anymore, he certainly had a sense of humour.

The sticker read "MY OTHER CAR IS A DYSON".

Jim
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